I was quite surprised that he found this blog and I thought, well, he remembered me. With all his thoughts that he has for me, I hope that he knew I am already on the point where I am ready to take all the struggles again for us to have something different, a life of our own, and maybe something he can be proud of. But at that moment, when I was already about to change things for the better, I was left off handed, nowhere to go, nowhere to seek comfort with. Just when the time, I am already about to face our dreams, again, I failed. I tried to reach him when I have no money, but if he only knew who I reached before him. I tried to swallow all my pride and guts, I tried to go to my family and yet I was pushed away, to my friends and yet I was not able to find them. So he's the last person I knew and I trusted I can turn to but yet, even though I know he should already be having his time of his life, I turned to him like I was in a point of death and life. In desolation, I did things I have to do in order to survive. I came to the point that I have to eat once a day, by the time free lunch is served in our office. And I did not want him to know that, eventhough, I know he will see this soon. But yet, I did my best, because I know I have to survive. I want to be better so if he decides to see me once again, he'll see that I lived and survived. I trusted that he would take me out of that place but yet, I failed, in a sudden, he went and sailed on his own. I hope I can do the right things to correct everything, but without him, what can I do.
Raz, I know I did things that hurt you and I realized that. I told you that I'll get a job to help you and I did. I told you we'll go somewhere else to live but some unfortunate events happened. Just by the time, I was already working things out, you have to leave, and I thought I'll leave next. But, when you left, you also left me behind. Now, tell me, in my current condition, I am trying to stand up from my great fall, and I cannot bear this pain. I seek help and it hurts when I know it should not be from you. I did things you cannot imagine just to stand up once again but yet, I feel I'm still down. You're last text with me was to let me know that you we're compensated for 30K, and I did not asked money, because I know, at my great fall, at my lowest point, I cannot ask already for help. What I was asking was just a time to be with you, but yet you refused. You left me then without saying goodbye. Is it really that easy for you? Cause its not for me. I go home, sleep, go to work thinking why I need to survive, what for. Is it because I am scared to die or is it because I want to prove I am strong. But for all this, I still am living. Because I am thinking, you probably might want me back, but its like a wish on a shooting star. If you want me, lets sail together, if not, please let me know and you'll never have to remember me. I love you, you know I will always do. If this is again another test, this one is something I can never fail. But if you push me to that failing point, just push me with one blow or help me win again. I hope you know what I am dealing now, good thing for you, you're on the opposite side of life. See you soon...
No comments:
Post a Comment