First Song

I just remembered this, it was the first song Raz dedicated to me :)


WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME
I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do
I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth
And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me I

wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now I have you here

And baby Everytime you touch me I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger
And baby Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me
You love me
When you tell me that you love me

3rd Monthsary with my BB

Once, I thought, why life has been so unfair, for I get to see loneliness all around me. At this point in my life, I can see why I have been so lonely before, for that, I'd see how much happiness I've felt from the things that happened before. Raz, although there are times, we faced loneliness but we faced those not because we have to do so but to see our happiness with each other, for that, we'll realize where to gather our strength and how much we mean to each other. Although you have been so stubborn, you might think why I'm not giving you up and its because with what you do, I feel your importance on me. I feel that you're my only happiness and a source of my inspiration. For that, I'm crazy as well but it has all been because of you. I wish that you understand my shortcomings and incapabilities. However, I'm trying to work on my best so we can have communication at least. I thank you for your patience with it. We're already on our 3rd month and I still remember the first time we met. It means a lot to me. I never thought that I'd get to see you in person but I've been so fortunate to have you. I am still wearing the bracelet you gave me and will never take it off. For that, I feel that you're always with me. Thank you for the love you are giving to me. Thank you for your patience with me. With you, I have all the reasons to live and work hard. I wish that I'd see you once again and hopefully get to know you more. I'll be always here for you. Again thank you for your love and I'll always love you more. Happy monthsary bb q!

Over a Cup of Coffee & a Cigar

I cannot decipher what do I really feel
Seems like I'm on a total downfall
I fell loneliness, I feel alone
I try to grasp for some strength
But at this time, loneliness totally creeps on me.

I don't know how to move on
Cause I believed that I move with you
I cannot understand this suffering
I suffer a lot and the world doesn't know.

I ask to myself, what's my life for?
What would be its purpose then?
What can I do if its all useless?
I try to reach on but nothing tried to hold on me.

I fear this darkness.
I fear losing my loved ones
I fear this loneliness
I fear death

Why are my efforts worth nothing?
Why do I suffer a lot?
I only have one heart
Yet the only person inside always goes out.

He left me because of my incapabilities.
I always try to seek comfort from him
But what if the only thing that gives you that is gone
Why do I lose the ones I love?
I seek guidance yet all I received are trials.
Tribulations I can no longer get through.

Since this day, my world already stopped
I suffer and cry a lot.
Why do we always hurt the ones we love
Why does it always has to be me.

Now my path is blinded
With darkness and suffering
I ask myself, when will I get that rest
And I think that's until I see my purpose
And to be where I belong
Until then, I'm back again on my lonely fields.
The only thing is, I still cry and suffer more
And here I am again, I, myself, alone.

"It took a cup of coffee, to prove that you don't love me..."

- Cup of Cofee by Garbage

End of Week

Days has been too fast here at Dell, its now a friday, end of the week and that means total rest for me... Well, not actually, I've got to do some cleaning up on my house and of course have a chat with my bb, hey! make sure you get up at 9AM or else :-P Well, what does this week have in store for me, oh, I am so blessed today. I don't know but I was almost on a hopeless situation then suddenly, like a miracle, problem solved for me... Whew! Why do I have so many problems nowadays, anyway, I know that I'd get over it sooner.

One thing, I think I am getting crazy, I always think that my bb is with me at our house. hehe. Well, I better do some checking tommorow on my friendster because its becoming stagnant already. Hope I can get something new from my bb. Anyways, we'll chat tommorow morning. Yabyu!

Whatever...

Hi everyone who constantly reads my posts. (I hope somebody is really reading this, I JUST HOPE SOMEBODY CAN LEAVE A COMMENT SO I'D KNOW WHETHER THIS IS STILL BEING READ BY ANYONE).

Well, this day is still a very normal and usual day for me. I got up at 2PM and I was supposed to go to Dell for a physical exam but still being stubborn overcame me. Geez, I forgot to text my bb. Anyways, what can I post here ba.. hmm... I can't think of anything, I think my bb is just what's in my mind. Oh, I always have this line that keeps on rolling out of my head, "How can you hold into something you can never see?" Well, I already saw him and we're still seeing each other on cam but there are times that I am longing for him that's why I always think that he'll be right in front of me sooner. I'm kinda excited cause he said that he's gonna tell me everything I need to know, I just hope that its really true but I am expecting him to do so. Anyways, I really don't want to force him in telling that.

Ok, about my friends, well, I am thinking of Vane cause She's already with her mom-in-law and I just hope that everything's cool with her. OH, I forgot, financial issues! It seems that all of us are into financial issues really, geez! When will I be able to cope with that. I surely have to work hard now. My friends rarely visit my house nowadays, maybe its also because I'm unavailable due to my work at Dell. But I hope we can still get together during weekends, I already missed going to church and I want to go there soon cause there are many things I need to thank about. I always feel that I am still blessed cause even if I'm out of supply, there's still my friends or my family who's there to help me. Also, I'm blessed to be loved by one great person, although, I really don't know his actual name but he said I'm about to get it SOON. OK, I think I have to end this post now, tommorow, I might tackle DOTA. hehe. ^_^

I love you bb q.

Just Blogging

Currently, I'm blogging here at Dell. Good thing that this site is not yet blocked and I hope it remains still. I really wanna make this blogging this done daily coz this is what its really for. OK, so what happened to my day... I actually woke up at 2PM, I'm actually supposed to go for a physical exam here at Dell but I got to play Civilizations 4 and got hooked on it. hehehe... I might do the exam by tommorow afternoon (I hope I won't play that game for the meantime). I don't get to play DOTA today, actually I was thinking of having a chat with my bb but when I checked my wallet, ooppss... gotta go get some replenishments first. :-D Speaking of finance, my issues with that is getting bigger and bigger, I'm always thinking, when am I gonna get my backpay?? T_T I really have to fix a lot within our house coz my bb is already arriving... Oh, I haven't said, he's arriving to our house soon (I just don't know how long is soon for him) but I really hope he can get here asap. I miss my bb so much and I hope that once he arrive here in Manila, everything will go smoothly and of course, his stay would be great.

For my bb, I'm sorry if I'm not able to send you a text message, its just that the persons there are unavailable when I need their phone. Anyway, I am hoping to get another phone asap so we can have communication with each other. I really am excited to see you once again and I hope that you can stay longer than before. I am sorry for the issue we had the last few days but I am thankful that you still entrust me your love and I am sure to get mine devoted to you. Love you bb q.

Hmmm... I surely have to overhaul my house, sometimes my bb is unpredicatable. hehe. Love you!

Vacation

Well, at this moment, I am already working with Dell. My three-week vacation was really great. Although I get to bond with my neighbors here, I lost my cellphone... geezz.. That was the only communication I have with "him". Well, ok, I am writing this letter because I was really about to do this thursday night at Dell but I was not able to, I am so happy sitting here right in front this computer thinking of happy thought I have with "him" but all of a sudden, I saw his blog and then my world suddenly stopped. I know I'm so wrong and stupid but I guess there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know, I am really about to create this blog and write my happy thoughts toward him and then suddenly, it stopped. I guess this is it again, I don't know but I really hope you can forgive me about it and it would be the last thing I'll ever ask. Its so weird because I really wanna fill this post with happy thoughts but suddenly I don't know what to say anymore. Wherever you are, I hope we can talk and unfortunately, I don't have a phone, so I guess I'll just have to wait to get a word from you if ever but I still am hoping. I don't want this to be my last cause I know I should be keeping it.