Well, its been a very long time since I posted anything here in my blog. It already got so outdated but I'm glad I had a chance to visit here and update it. Welll, actually, I already made up my mind to put these as my personal diary though I know its very open to everyone else yet I won't note this down to my friends just to make sure.
Well, the turnout of this year has been very great for me. First, I'm already with my boyfriend for a year already. Life really gave us a lot of trials and I'm so glad we're making it and keeping it up. We sometimes have fights but in the end, we get to forget about it. There are a lot of things that have changed between our relationship, good and also bad. Good things are that he have somewhat trusted me already. He also is working his way to change his life for the good. He's now able to stand up on his own. Somehow, I feel grateful that I showed him how hard it is to be independent and he's still able to keep it up. When I realized what he was before and now, I can really say that he changed a lot but I think its for the better. But also, there are things that cannot be changed. Still he is bully. Its like he loves when he is able to bully a person. He also somewhat forgets about me sometimes, he goes to the internet shop and forget that I'm waiting in the house but I know that's something that I should not take heavily. One thing that changed myself from this relationship is my maturity. I've become matured in thinking and I cannot just be withstand by just a simple thing that I know can ruin our relationship. Its just that I have built this relationship so much that I treat him already as my long-time partner. I just wish that somehow, he can somehow think about me first because its always been him from the start, I tend to forget myself already. Anyway, I'm happy that we are together, eventhough we just have the simple life, we can still keep up and able to be happy.
Now, maybe I should talk about my friends. Well, right now, its almost that I have no more of my friends anymore. Its just that they hardly go into my house like before. I remember the times that they're always there in my house. I just don't know why they feel they're not welcomed and never tried at all or could it be that I just have no use for them anymore. The last time we've met was on Brett's nuptial last May 26. Well, its really ok that I was not included on their list for the wedding but its just that I felt somewhat "out" or maybe I was just used to be the special one for the group. But, I just feel like I was nothing, and there are some messages from them that I got hurt. Especially from Brett, when he said that I used to talk and talk always and I'm never cautious of what I am saying. But I feel that it was not my fault at all since I never knew what the situation was and I am not a perfect person to completely understand what's going on. What I know is just what I can only have. But then, after that I just said to myself, maybe, this is already my limit. I said to myself to stop trying to put up myself from them and try to win them all back. One thing also that hurt me was when Jayson said that I am poor and I used to lend money from them always. It just hurted me so much since they were never there when I was already on my critical downfall. They never knew what I have been before and what took me to be able to start again from living. I always used to say that I had no problems before but when I was really nothing, its just Raz that was there and no one cared to ask how am I or am I having any problems like before. So right now, I've already made up my mind that I would continue the invitation for me to go to Singapore for work.
But suddenly, my mother came at my house last Monday and asked for my resume. She said that my aunt from Canada will look for work for us. Its almost the perfect timing for me knowing that Raz is also a caregiver and plans to go to Canada so probably, we can be there together. I really would like to take that option but its just that there are things that still sticks myself here. I guess I should still take my time with him. Probably next year would do. I just hope that I can make it. Please send your hopes for me.
I'll write more next time. Byers! ^_^
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