And I just heard this song...

There was nothing for me to say. Its just this song coming out of my heart.

Yameru!

This weekend was really a tough one. I caught Raz, off-handed, having a chat session with another guy, he explained but it was too difficult for me to accept. After that, we were supposed to go out together somewhere but he suddenly lie down and said that he is sleepy. Knowing that he was on the computer shop since 1PM and wouldn't come home until I go and fetch him, he doesn't want to have some time for me. I just felt like I was not important at all. And the thing is, he was just pretending to be asleep as when he heard the show on TV, he just woke up and watched. We then had a fight, he thought that I was after his money and said how much do I need and then I go out alone. I know he has really a bad manner but I think that quote already was too much. I never wanted his money, I just want to go have some time for him, after all, we've been so busy from work and its the only time we can have some quality moment with each other. But what's important for him is chatting through that guy, he even went there straight from work. I was disappointed by that time and what made the situation worst was when he went out and just ate by himself without even asking me to come with him, he knew I never ate anything yet. And when we were there, he said one thing that hurt me deeply, he said, "Bigyan mo nga ng pagkain tong patay gutom na to!" At that point of time, my hopes already vanished and I just walked out blindedly. When he went home, he gave me just a piece of bread, and to my disappointment, I just threw it to him. At that time, I've already felt helpless like I was nothing at all. Would he always be like that? I hope that someday, somehow, he would think about me.

Well, the next day came and he asked me to go out. We went to a mall to go ahead and watch a movie, well, he's preference to movies is a bit bad and corny but he said another thing that I'll never forget, "Kaya minsan ayaw kitang kasama sa mall e". So I said, you already have been doing that lately. I just really feel that he wants more time just for himself without me. So, I already laid down my heads and this would be it, a time to stop. From now on, he'll be on his way. Whatever he wants for himself will be his to command. Maybe after all, I was just nothing to him so I don't have to always say what he's supposed to do, he's already old enough to do decisions on his own. If the matter comes that he decides to go on his own, I, myself won't hinder him for I know he thinks I'm a hindrance to his dreams so please, give me strength.